You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
