I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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