My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
