I just saw a hot homeless man
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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