dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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