I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
