Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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