from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
