How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
