There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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