How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
