Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
