I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
