Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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