I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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