Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
