____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
