david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
