Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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