Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
