the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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