I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize