hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
