FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
