The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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