Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
