Someone shit on the floor
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
