we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"