We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.