dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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