last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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