Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING