i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize