I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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