pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
