I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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