I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
