thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
