I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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