I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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