I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My liver just had a heart attack.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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