Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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