this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
