For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
