peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
