Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
