sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
