Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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