i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
