he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
