she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
