hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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