I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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