You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
