just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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