she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
