Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
