Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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