you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
