If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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