I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
