my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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