my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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