Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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