Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
