It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
