So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
how drunk are you?
Several
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
