i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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