She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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