i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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