Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
