Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
