Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
