yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
