My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
