Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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