I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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