Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Who died my cat blue again?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
