I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize