remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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