We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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