Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
