And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
