Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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