Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
