Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need moral support for this bender
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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