I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Say something about gay babies.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
